Greeting Cards For Every Conceivable Occasion

Get Out of My Basement

I've one thing to say, my only son
get out of my house, you lazy bum
you're like your father, a crummy slob
why can't you get out and find a job?
Your long hair smells, your clothes are dirty
you sleep all day, you're almost thirty
what sin I committed, I wish I knew
that would cause me to give birth to scum like you?

I've called the Sherrif, he's on his way
he'll throw you in jail, and there you'll stay
You're no good, you bum, but I just had to say
I hope you'll have a nice birthday.


Cards of Indifference

Today I had nothing at all to do
so I thought I'd send this card to you
The mailbox was on my way to work
the stamp given free, by a postal clerk
but still, when I thought of sending you this card,
I wondered why, I wondered hard
But I thought, "who cares, I guess I could
to make an effort, I suppose I should"
but had it been much, I doubt that I would
So here's a card to just say "hi".

Please don't bother to reply.

OK, I was only able to conceive of cards for two occasions, but readers get bored after two card parodies anyway. (Mad Magazine caught onto this fact after many decades.) Check out American Greetings in my comedy sketches section to see my prediction for the exploding role of greeting cards in America.

Back to the main page, bwan.