Proposition 16

Man goes to voting booth; looks bored as he reads through endless propositions that are on ballot.

VO: Proposition 16-1070411003.00040 proposes to aggregate per revenue valuations over the next five fiscal quarters. Revenues generated will be distributed by sliding scale adjustment unless deemed otherwise by Council vote for each quarter. Sliding scale adjustments pertaining to zip code remain unchanged except as deemed necessary by Council Vote.

Man looks up like, 'what the hell?'

UPBEAT VOICEOVER:

WHAT IT MEANS FOR YOU!

Proposition 16 will create over 20,000 jobs over the next five years. It will help beautify our city while upgrading schools for children in secondary and high schools, and provide low-income housing for underprivileged familes. Proposition 16 is an investment in your city and your children. Vote Yes on Proposition 16.

(Paid for by the Unity Pac Coalition)

Man looks impressed.

Proposition 16 at first looks like a good idea, but what it will actually do is to cut high-paying jobs in our city by 25% while increasing minimum-wage jobs by over twice that number. Furthermore, Proposition 16 will lower the property value of many parts of the city by allowing substandard housing projects to be built near parks and city landmarks. The term "sliding scale adjustment" actually refers to the board's ability to usurp local taxation rights and apply them entirely at their own discretion. Vote No on Proposition 16.

(Paid for by the Sons of Libertarians Party)

Man looks concerned.

The opponents of Proposition 16 say they oppose new substandard housing projects; in fact Proposition will guarantee quality housing while increasing revenues to schools across the board. The opponents of Proposition actually oppose the fair use of city funds, which is clearly explained in the clause "aggregate per revenue valuations", which guarantees a fair distribution of funds to neighborhoods that need them most. Cast a vote to improve our neighborhoods and schools. Vote Yes on Proposition 16.

Man looks reassured.

The supporters of Proposition 16 claim they are using Proposition 16 to fairy restribute funds to needy families, but Prop 16 actually discriminates against women and minorities by reference to the clause "except as deemed by zip code". Furthermore, funds earmarked for new housing will actually be used to build illegal casinos backed by local mob interests, the same interests which back Proposition 16. Vote No on Proposition 16.

Man looks very concerned

The opponents of Proposition 16 accuse supporters of discriminating against minorities, but what the Proposition actually discriminates against are crack houses being built in lower income neighborhoods by local drug interests, the same interests which are backing the opposition of Proposition 16. In fact, Proposition 16 will provide quality housing while increasing law enforcement protection from drug traffickers. Keep crack out of our neighborhoods and away from your children. Vote Yes on Proposition 16.

(Paid for by the Unity Pac Coalition)

Man looks deeply troubled

The Proponents of Proposition 16 make wild accusations about crack houses and drug interests - the dark truth is that Proposition 16 will take money away from public schools and use it to subsidize rich families whose children currently attend private schools. Proposition 16 will close over 67% of all public schools and force children to relocate to substandard buildings located directly over nuclear reactor dumps. Furthermore, Proposition 16 will close all publically funded churches while forcing school children to learn about world religions like the Mongolian Blood Cult and the Postmodern Church of Satanism - the same church secretly being run by key board members who support Proposition 16. Save your children, save your families, save your souls - Vote No on Proposition 16...before it's too late to save anyone at all.

Man looks gripped by fear and indecision. People in line are grumbling impatiently.

So the next time you're about to skip over a simple proposition, look at it again carefully.
Look at it very, very carefully.

CLOSEUP of red demonic hand with long black fingernails voting Yes on Proposition 16. Flames come up from ballot. Evil laughter is heard.

End

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