The Senior Squad

Senior Citizen

The head of the sinister Senior Squad, Senior Citizen appears to be simply a very old man with a walker, afflicted with arthritis and apparent senility. However, his mind is actually razor-sharp and his walker is an arsenal of deadly weapons. The walker's feet are rockets that fly him around like superman, and he loves to make entrances by landing in a vertical position in the center of a crowd. At the touch of a button the walker becomes capable of firing explosive-tipped bullets shooting from the walkers feet, at a rate of 60 explosive rounds per second from each foot; there appears to be no limit to how many bullets his walker can fire. Simultaneously, the walker protects the Senior Citizen with an impenetrable force field bubble. Although stricken with arthritis, he actually has super-strength, making it unlikely that anyone will be able to take his walker away from him. Cunning and patient, Senior Citizen is always thinking two steps ahead of his opponents.

Embarrassing Woman

A 72 year-old woman who looks like everyone's least favorite aunt, she has the ability to tell the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to a person, from infancy to adolescence. She has a very annoying but attention-getting voice, that is able to catch people's attention even in the heat of battle. Embarrassing nicknames, bedwetting incidents, date foibles, none are beyond her ability to recount. She tells these stories exactly as if she were at a family reunion and had witnessed them with her own eyes. The result is catastrophic distraction in anyone she does this to, and possible repercussions later as team members will probably pick up and use the embarrassing nicknames she recounts, causing team friction or worse. Embarrassing Woman seems almost impervious to physical damage, which is good considering the heavy objects thrown at her by enraged superheroes. Even if flattened by a giant weight, she will lie there under it and continue her irritating banter.

The Grey Panther

This 75-year-old emaciated woman is an unusual type of mutant; when she was a toddler she suffered from arthritis and immobility, but as she aged has become more flexible and agile, despite her appearance. At 75 she has the stamina, speed and reflexes of a 17-year-old Olympic gymnast. She wears a grey panther outfit with razor-sharp panther claws, and is skilled in several martial art styles. She simply does not get tired during a fight, and continually executes backflips and somersaults to make herself harder to hit. She fights dirty, and thinks nothing of kicking an opponent in the groin or slashing them in the eyes with her claws to win. Her outfit is made from a material stolen from a government lab, which causes her to blur whenever she is in motion, making her harder to hit. She has a utility belt filled with lockpicks, nylon cord and other items useful in guerilla combat.

Captain Rollovayo'ass

This is a WWII veteran who has come into possession of an unstoppable wheelchair. It appears to be made of titanium alloy with a manual stickshift. He can travel up to 300 miles an hour in this thing, or put it into low gear and ram his opponents with the power of a Mack Truck. The Captain loves to annoy police who are chasing him by pulling a sudden 360 degree turn around their car and then speeding off with an unfriendly gesture. Captain Rollovayo'ass loves to make an entrance by crashing through walls and doors, which he never takes damage from . The chair has an impenetrable glass shield that goes up in combat. The wheelchair’s strangest power, however, is its ability to travel right up the sides of walls and across the ceiling upside down, or straight up the side of a skyscraper at normal speed as if it were a level surface. Wherever there is a relatively smooth surface, he can take his wheelchair. Whenever the Captain isn't fighting, he is telling war stories and drinking beer.

So beware, young superpunks! Cross paths with these elders
and your butt is likely due for a very embarrassing switchin!

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